Patriarchally Yours


January 14, 2014 by thejalebichronicles

Life, OK Please: A pit stop for those of you hurtling through life at break neck speed.


Hello, Indians! Are you sitting comfortably in your sofas sipping cutting chai served to you by your obeisant wife while your daughters burn their fingers in the kitchen cooking and your sons play cricket in the yard? Then this post is dedicated to you, who know nothing of the word ‘feminism.’


No, feminism is not allowing your daughters to study till they receive their degree and then instructing them to wait for a rishta to appear around the corner. It is allowing them to do what they want with their lives, (gasp!) remain unmarried if they choose to, (nahin!) and work (breaks bangles in horror.) Not treating women like dirt isn’t the aim; it’s treating them as equals. This is all very new and different for you, I understand, especially since we’ve spent years burning our women on their husbands’ funeral pyres and killing them for birthing girls, but maybe it’s time to open your eyes to some of the subtler signs of patriarchal attitudes in and around you, like these:

#5: Women at the workplace should wear suits and pants.

Yes, women need to wear masculine attire to be taken seriously when at the job. Attire has always defined how much you work. Those naked slaves in Egypt could only just build the Pyramids, after all. Wake up and smell the roses; work isn’t a man’s job, and working women don’t need to wear their clothes to be considered worthy of a pay cheque.

#4: Men don’t need to know how to cook:

Yes, this holds true because women are like collapsible restaurants; pack them on holiday and then open them up when you need them for a full three course meal. And they’re always around anyway, (especially since the sex ratio is so even in our country,) so why take the trouble to learn a skill necessary for survival?




#3: You don’t believe in gay rights:

Indian gay

Homosexuality is unnatural, abhorrent and certainly isn’t part of our Indian culture. Imagine what would happen if men started marrying men. Who would make roti aur sabji for them every day? Or worse; if WOMEN STARTED DATING WOMEN. Who would tell them what to do, how to live their lives and how much they should work? Who would control them?




#2: Your performance as a parent is dependent on your child’s percentage alone


Not improper sentence construction, surely?

It’s fine if your kid’s having a migraine, fighting TB or even suicidal. As long as they’re getting above 90%, you’ve been a brilliant parent so far. And ‘handling’ children is a woman’s task anyway! The happiness of your flesh and blood really doesn’t matter.



#1: Your arsenal of abuses is limited to females and their anatomy

Think about it for a second. All yours c’s, b’s, w’s, s’s PERTAIN TO WOMEN. Why? Obviously, because women are terrible, loathsome creatures who deserve to be downtrodden and them, along with every part of them is abuse-worthy.




So, if you still think you’re quite the feminist after reading this, send us a memo so that we can congratulate you on disillusioning yourself and your entire family.


Alaric Moras

4 thoughts on “Patriarchally Yours

  1. megha says:

    Thanks for the much needed actually never considered the marks thing.lets hope we can all work on correcting the above flaws and others in our thought processes(you might want to do or add something about how discussing fashion, makeup or romance does NOT make women silly or bubble headed)

    • Hello Megha,

      We’re glad you liked the article. :). Yes, it’s about time people change their perception regarding these things. We start with ourselves, of course, and weed out elements of patriarchy still residing within the channels of our minds.

      I think that fashion and makeup also has its roots in patriarchy, don’t you? The incessant need for a woman to be beautiful at all times is a masculine desire, not an inherent female one.

  2. tanaya14 says:

    Good god! Surely that’s not someone approaching the race which has long trod down on females with a feminist attitude, is it?! Thanks for the article and the dramatic aspects to it that apply so much to Indian society even today. Hope you convince more people with the article that women are human beings too!

  3. palakkapadia says:

    Amazing post! High time we changed our attitude and perception about these things!

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