January 3, 2014 by thejalebichronicles
Four Chambers: A page discussing heart aches, heart throbs and so much more
“I miss the way we used to be before… well, you know. Can we be friends again?”
Feelings, unlike people, do not die easily. They remain snooping around in old love notes, the scent of a shared jacket, favourite movies and various other places that remain hitherto unmentionable on a G-rated blog. This oh-so common statement that you will hear from your ex (and sometimes from your own lips, depending on your IQ level,) sooner or later post break up is a clear indicator of this fact. It remains up to you whether to agree to try and ‘become friends’ with your former S.O or not. Here, TJC helps you make that choice with a series of questions that will help you ascertain what you want.
1.) Did they hit you? People, stop playing the Rihanna-route.
Yes, I’m speaking to guys as well. If you’ve been in a relationship that was abusive, whether physical or psychological, you obviously can’t be ‘friends’ with them. If they hit their lovers, imagine what they’d do to you when you came late for a movie.
NOTE: Tickling is not a form of abuse, but foreplay.
Unless done with needles.
2.) Do you have your boundaries in place?
Always remember that with someone whom you used to spend more than half your day with, lines are bound to get blurry. Boundaries must be established before friendship ever begins. Know that you will never want to tread that path again (unless said ex is rich; in which case no one can blame you,) and make sure you voice it. Decide how much of them you are going to see, how often and how deep your bond can grow beforehand and never let things stray beyond that if you choose to accept said offer of companionship. Idle flirting and touching is always a no-no.
3.) Do you have to see them regularly?
If your ex also happens to be your colleague, is part of your friend circle, or begins acting like chewing gum and turns up in unwanted corners wherever you are, start thinking about how to smoothen over the ex-factor, (excuse the pun,) and begin cultivating a relationship that is less I-want-to-murder-you-in-your-sleep and more let’s-finish-before-our-deadline. If your ex is also your boss, please close this window. There is nothing we can do for you.
4.) Can you stand the sight of them?
Stop playing the nice guy/girl role. You aren’t starring in a rom-com and there is no reason for you to be mend broken bridges. If you don’t have to see them around and don’t want to, there’s no reason why you should be friends with them.
5.) Are they hot?
Well, are they? If so, then all the more reason to say no. Getting carried away and beginning a friends with benefits fling may have worked out well enough for Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, but that’s only because they were heartbroken, emotionally damaged and not to mention unstable maniacs and we don’t know what happened beyond the closing scene. Besides, an FWB relationship isn’t good for you; who knows where they’ve stuck their privates after you two broke up?
In the end, managing a relationship with your ex is hard work and can sometimes seem like an entirely pointless affair. Who wants to wade through all those memories? Weighing the pros and cons of a friendship with your ex is essential before you engage in a friendship with them. If you’ve paid attention, you might just land up with a pretty good buddy you won’t make the same mistake twice with and if not… well, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
– Alaric Moras