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Oh, B(r)other!

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October 15, 2013 by thejalebichronicles

Systematically Haphazard: Organized snippets of jumbled of randomness.

“Women, they’re never easy to understand.”Image

A harsh judgement coming I’d say from gentlemen who hit puberty at thirteen and sit through it till thirty – never quite willing to admire your mental assets while acknowledging thoroughly your physical ones.

Oh, what fascinating creatures these men are – mysterious and oh-so-dashing! And while we remain perilously infatuated with them and spend hours psycho-analyzing their ‘depth’– we forget that in our homes we have a member of this species, alive and waiting, like an equation to be integrated and differentiated.

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These males who play a special role in our lives – however horrible, and sadistic they may be – are still the recipient of some deep seated love. Love; hidden under several layers of savage hatred, love that nevertheless flows through the blood we share.

Ladies, while I cannot assure you that I have not observed anything pointed and curved in your brothers, (strictly referring to their shoulders, of course) I can promise to entertain you – if you shall lend me your ears – with an acute categorization of those-who-share-with-us-our-progenitors.

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Presenting, Oh B(r)other!!

I] THE SALMAN KHAN:

Possessive and over bearing, this one is your typical Bollywood Bhaiyaji. A raging Nazi, he objects to everything, from your behavior to your clothes. As for that gentleman who smiled at you at the bus stop yesterday, may his soul rest in peace . . .

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II] THE INVISIBLE MAN:

Living in the same house, but living so quietly that your lives don’t intersect – this brother is all but absent. Understandably, you’d rather have a conversation with the neighbors’ dog than bid him good morning.

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III] THE JOHNNY BRAVO:

This specimen loves exploring landscapes – well, the human kind! Though your friends stay away from home just to avoid him; he’s actually a nice guy – just a bit too addicted to the creepy Mumbai Mirror pickup lines. Seriously sister, talk it out with him – there is still hope.

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III] THE HOTTIE

Six packs, luxurious hair, that million watt smile and the hordes of girls that follow him around: makes you wonder what-the-hell happened to your genes? What’s worse – your best friend has to fall for him. Thanks, traitor!!

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IV] THE STANFORD STAR-CHILD:

He’s the shining star, the perfect son, the future of your country, the head-boy of your school; and you? You’re average, boring and insipid There’s never a place for your trophy in a house filled with his. Don’t lose heart, however! You may find that somewhere down the road he lost a great part of his . . .

V] THE SOCIAL GOD9

It’s your Birthday today – your brother’s having a party. It’s your exam tomorrow – your brother’s having a party. You just broke up with your first love – your brother’s having a party. Your parents are getting divorced – your brother’s having a party. This one has a million followers on Twitter, and his contact list has more names in it than half the population of India! What’s more, he rubs it in your face!

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VI] THE POOR LI’L THUMB SUCKER:

Absolutely helpless, confused and dependent, this little boy brings out the Mother in you. The family-baby – he needs you for everything. Warning: expiry date of your patience: either – the day he turns eighteen, or the day you get married.

Finally,

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VII] THE BEST FRIEND:

Your soul mate, your confidante and he is always there for you no matter what. You love him most in the world and that feeling is mutual. You share everything with each other (much to the envy of his psycho girlfriends!)

And that Ladies, brings us to the end of this commentary. While to some of us our Bothers are not fit to mate with African Warthogs, some of us think they should run for President. Well whatever it may be, you should know: if you’re decayed and dying, he’s the one person who will be there for you, and that feeling is mutual.

— Shayonnita Mallik

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